Things to Consider Before Dating a Single Parent

From time to time I will have something to write about that isn't just my opinion on topics that interest me but will also post things that may be of some help to some out there.  This post I hope is one of those.  For any single person out there looking to start dating a single parent this is not a decision that should be made lightly.  Based on common sense and my experience, here are some things that the single person should think about before getting involved.

• You are not just dating the person, you are getting involved with that person's child(ren) as well. You may only be seeing that person as you begin dating but at some point as things progress you will become a part of the kid's life too.  If you are not ready for kids do NOT get involved with someone with kids.  It isn't fair to anyone involved.  If you aren't looking for anything serious you shouldn't be getting involved either unless the other party isn't looking for anything serious ... but at no time should you lead the other party to believe otherwise.
• Realize that because there are children involved it isn't like dating someone who has no such responsibilities.  Those children will be their priority and rightfully so.  Given that, plan ahead when you want to do something (something that I need to work more on myself).  You can't simply just decide last minute to go out or to head out of town to catch a concert or show or to do any of the other spur of the moment things you would do in a relationship without kids.  These things have to be figured out ahead of time.  Also be prepared for plans to be canceled last minute.  At some point some emergency will come up, a child will get the flu, or a sitter will cancel and you won't be able to follow through with your plans.  Also plan things that involve the kids.  If you are committed to the relationship you have to be committed to those children as well.  Staying at home and doing things be it a movie night or a game night is a good thing and often a better option than many evenings out.  It is important to have those nights out with just the two of you though so don't forget that.
• Know what you want and also determine what the other person wants.  If you want kids of your own and the other person wants no more kids finding that out a year into the relationship could be devastating to all involved, including the kids already a part of it.  Don't bring it up first date but sometime in the early stages of the relationship it is a good thing to find out if your long term goals are the same.
• The kids are important, not just kids from a previous relationship, but young people that you will play a major role in their life should the two of you be together for a long time.  Get to know them.  You won't always get along but as the relationship progresses you will need to have a talk with their mother/father to discuss things such as acceptable and unacceptable behavior and how it is handled.
• The ex is likely always going to be around.  This isn't always the case but normally they are the other parent and forever a part of the kid's life.  If you can't handle the idea that their ex will forever be a presence then don't get into a relationship where there isn't an alternative to it.  Sometimes the ex will be a good person and getting along won't be a problem, but often times the split happened for some reason and getting along may not be easy.  Try to be accepting when you can no matter how difficult and support your new partner and children where you can.  Creating more problems because of jealousy over what they had (or that they have kids), because you simply don't like them, or for whatever reason isn't going to improve anything.  Just try to be understanding and supportive but do let your feelings known if it is appropriate and do so in a calm, respectful manner.

I know there are plenty of other things that I could probably add if I sat for a while, and I know that there are going to be people who read this and have things to add or areas they wish to comment on or don't agree with.  I also know that some things are harder than other just from experience and I know that I have a number of things I can work on and do better as well. I hope that this gives anyone thinking of getting involved with a single mom or dad things that they'll think about ahead of time and make a more informed decision.  Sometimes we act on the spur of the moment and without much thought of the future, but when children are involved that isn't always a luxury that can be had.